Archive for March, 2008
Statistic Poem- 2003 (Brian’s Writing- 9/4/2003 (I was 9 months pregnant at this date and NOT drinking Beer :) )
Posted by nothingwitty in Brian on March 18, 2008
( note- it would be 2 and 1/2 more years before I would meet Brian)
Statistic Poem
I hate sitting up front
woo woo woo
I hate sitting up front
how bout you?
Beer is good
Beer is gold
Beer is foamy
I like Beer
People suck
yes they do
They make me mad
So now I live in a cave
Rivers are good
They have fish
I float on them in a canoe
they make me wish
I hadn’t run outta beer in my cooler
so is here is my confession.
Posted by nothingwitty in DRUNK on March 18, 2008
I just accidentally hit publish. OOPS
I am trashed.
On Jamison Irish whiskey.
shit.
Thank god for spell check. Because I need it.
the vain part of me will not let me publish this as is. Sorry.
Ya. I sip SIP Irish whiskey. And I like it.
So we had friends over and I made shepherds pie which was a BIG SUCCESS!
It was also a big fight for Brian and I which we both laughed about when we were done fighting about it.
FUN!
WOO HOO!
I am drunker than Brian. He is trying to help me but I am drunk and resistant to suggestions.
He is piling hair in front of my face.
I love him.
Our first party was great. I just wanted everyone over for dinner but Brian turned it into a party and that was totally cool with me. His parents came over and had a good time. And I love his parents. At this point I spend more time with his parents than I do mine. Of course- I do work with his mother, she being my boss and all 
Everyone just left and I made Brian do a shot with me- Jamison – He doesn’t like whiskey but I do- very much.
Brian is my compass. He is the one who spell and grammar checks for me without judgment, who always loves me. Building a life with him is hard work- as I expect any great work to be? But he accepts me for me- even without spell check, knowing I am what I am and expecting no less from me.
OMG- I would have shot this man
Posted by nothingwitty in Anger on March 17, 2008
CLACKAMAS – Oregon lawmakers called it a lewd and a disgusting crime.
var jsVideoWidgetSize = 0; var jsVideoWidgetVideoId = 226214; A man threw semen on a woman’s leg while she and her daughter shopped at a Clackamas Target store. The man was caught on surveillance cameras. After turning himself in, he was merely cited and released for a single count of harassment. Now some lawmakers are outraged because of the legal limitations on punishment. State Representative Linda Flores couldn’t believe what happened at that store one week ago. That day 25-year-old Ricardo Faulk assaulted the woman and her 3-year-old daughter in a lewd act. Seriously- I would have killed this guy!
Lewd assault by man at Target inspires new law
12:34 PM MDT on Monday, March 17, 2008
“That is not the same type of crime as someone spitting on someone. It’s not the same type of bodily fluid. It’s a sex crime and it’s got to be changed,” the victim said.
So in 2009, Flores said she will, with the help of Representative Scott Brunn, try and change those penalties.
“It’s shocking! It’s absolutely appalling to have that type of outrageous conduct that has absolutely no penalty,” Flores said.
Tailoring a piece of legislation to improve the current structure isn’t just a novel idea, adds Flores, it’s a necessity. The State Representative said the only thing standing between future victims and appropriate justice is time.
“Just time. With consultation of law enforcement and the DA and legislative council, we’re ready to draft the legislation and have it ready to go.”
Faulk’s next court appearance is scheduled for April 9th. The Clackamas County Court may order him to be tested for any infectious diseases.
Wanna know what sucks?
Posted by nothingwitty in mondays suck ass on March 17, 2008
You were happily doing financial statements when your coworker leaves to go work someplace else- And really it’s okay that he leaves because when he does you both realize that you are in love and end up living together, in blissful harmony only occasionally fighting about shepherds pie. You get to do payroll which is okay- but is a full time gig so someone is hired to do the work- some of it that you were doing.
So you’ve sold some of the payroll, so you have a few hours a week to do other things, so you go to do some financial statements only to find that the person who was hired to do your job a year and a half ago has botched the job. So you have to call and request that the client bring back all the stuff from 2006- and the first part of 2007, back to you. And she is understandably pissed. AT YOU. Because somehow its all your fault. And you are not happy and feel like quiting because you worked all weekend on this shit. Gee. Thanks for paying attention and noticing things were off. Because you could have faked it- but would that have been right?
And this is at least one of the reasons you hate Mondays.
Once again proving how crazy I am
Posted by nothingwitty in Dreams on March 14, 2008
I’ve got wedding fever. I want to plan me a weddin. Bad. Because DAMN. I want to marry that boy. I haven’t bought a bridal magazine yet but that doesn’t stop me from reading everything on the internet wedding related.
I’ve even found the dress I think I want, although I haven’t gone in to the store to have them order it for me. I don’t want to know what it costs. You can’t plan a wedding without a date. And we don’t have a date. Because HE hasn’t officially asked me yet. Nor do I expect a proposal any time in the next 6 months- which is okay but I’d still like to have all the details hammered out before I actually have to seriously plan this sucker. Because weddings cost money and Brian wants a wedding. I was all for sneaking off the Hawaii or Mexico and getting married on a beach with my feet in the sand. But Brian insists on having one here with all of his friends and family. Which is totally cool, except we have to PAY for it. And it adds up quickly
BTW- if you are reading this, you are totally invited. When it happens.
But just to show you how mental I am, here for you reading pleasure is the dream I had…
I was going into Bridal Couture to try on my dress, when low and behold, the owner of the store isn’t there but I can have some ice cream while I’m waiting for him to get there and unlock the dresses, the shop girl tells me. Because a bridal store is the most likely place to sell ice cream?
The owner of the shop arrives and its this CRAZY Mormon guy I used to go to church with who always gave me the creepsies, because he always smiled SO DAMNED WIDE AND BIG. I am now officially afraid, but not in nightmare territory yet. They are pulling out these huge ruffled atrocities, telling me that THIS THIS IS THE DRESS YOU WANT TO TRY ON. And I’m all no, I ordered a dress, where the hell is it? And at the same time eying the ice cream machine. They tell me that really, these dresses(cream puffs) are much better, because they are modest. And I’m yelling “I DON’T FUCKING CARE, IN CASE YOU HAVEN’T NOTICED, I’M NOT MORMON ANYMORE!
And then I woke up, and there were no horrid ruffled atrocities anywhere in sight.
Tales from the dirty side of life
Posted by nothingwitty in Uncategorized on March 12, 2008
I have pretty much a great job. I have always liked it- My boss is friendly, likes me a lot and oh yeah I’m dating her son.
Brian was talking about going to grad school in OR last week and Martha said something to the effect that he and Emma would have a nice time but he couldn’t take me. SO perhaps that gives you an idea of how much she likes me.
When Emma’s been sick enough she couldn’t go to daycare in the past I’ve taken the portable DVD player and a few blankets to my office and let her get better there.
It helps that Martha is “Grandma,” and everyone loves Emma.
Well this morning Emma kept saying she was sick, that her head hurt etc…
So I was just going to bring her in with me. I’d buckled on my shoes when I heard her throwing up in the bathroom. All over her nice clean outfit. And the floor.
So Emma is home and so am .
Where I tell a creepy story about guns
Posted by nothingwitty in Uncategorized on March 10, 2008
So my mom is replacing the carpet in her bedroom and Brian’s coworker is doing the work. Brian got her a good deal on the carpet and the pad.
But here is the deal- Brian was given a 9m handgun last year as a groomsman’s gift. It lives in a little safe in the top of the closet. Dave- a really nice guy, but a gun totin redneck to the nth degree has been DYING for Brian to come shooting for only the last year and so Brian took one for the team and agreed to go shooting with he and his friends.
So yesterday he drops Emma and I off in Middleton and continues out to the boonies of Idaho. To Parma to be exact, which is almost like a million miles away.
Once there he has to get in a redneck truck with the rednecks and drive even farther out into the boonies to where they shoot at targets.
Except the rednecks don’t wait to shoot at targets- no, they start shooting OUT OF THE WINDOWS at little tiny cute ground squirrels- which they call whistlepigs.
Brian says they wanted him to shoot out of the windows too and he’s all NO WAY IN HELL! Not safe!
He also says they would be shooting over a hill and them they’d drive a little farther and be able to see that behind that hill? That they were just shooting over? PEOPLE! That they could have hit with their careless shooting.
He didn’t want to go shooting in the first place and then this?
After 10,000 years they reach the place where there are targets and they get down to shooting them and he said that was okay- but after a while 5 hours I finally called and said “ARE YOU DONE YET?” Because as much as I love my family 6 hours was plenty.
This gave Brian the opportunity to say “I gotta leave cause my woman says so!” I’m totally okay being the bad guy on the odd occasion.
The rednecks were like “YOU CAN’T LEAVE YOU HAVEN’T BLOWN UP A WHISTLEPIG YET!” and Brian’s all like “I really really don’t care about killing the squirrel and if I don’t go home I’ll never get laid again” which the rednecks totally understood.
So they got back in the redneck truck and drove back in and out of weeks and possible over a year to the rednecks house and Brian came and got me. I don’t know if there was anymore shooting out of windows because at this point I was holding my hands over my ears going “LALALA”
Don’t get me wrong- I don’t have a problem with shooting a gun SAFELY.
Brian and I went to a shooting range where we learned about gun safety and how to load it and all that good stuff safely. Because if we are going to have a gun we are damned well going to know the proper way to use it.
Mom expressed a wish to see Brian’s gun and so they were looking at it and then I expressed a desire to see Mom’s gun- which was actually Grandma’s.
Its a 38- and old enough that it doesn’t even have a safety on it. I asked if I could take it and maybe go to the shooting range with it.
And Mom says-”You can have it- I shouldn’t have it in the house with me when I’m having those suicidal thoughts”
and I’m all like “damned straight!”
Do I think my mom would commit suicide? No- but I know she’s desperately unhappy.
So now we have 2 guns in the safe. I’m creeped out by this, in a way.
I think I’ll post more on this later.
I get chatty when I’m drunk
Posted by nothingwitty in DRUNK on March 9, 2008
Brian’s favorite thing I said last night?
“I am drunk and I am embracing it!”
I do not remember this, but I do happen to think the third martini was perhaps a bit of a mistake- because then the world started spinning at an accelerated pace.
yum
Posted by nothingwitty in DRUNK on March 9, 2008
mix 2 parts Godiva chocolate liquor
2 parts vanilla vodka
and 1/2 part creme de cacao
and put in a couple (4) raspberries.
I am not to blame for the results.
ITS NOT MY FAULT DAMNIT!
I feel so fucking good right now.
Thus ends my sexless boozeless existance!
CHEERS!
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