Archive for December, 2008

Emma’s (belated) email to Santa

Posted by nothingwitty in Uncategorized on December 24, 2008

************@gmail.com
Boise, Idaho,
United States

Dear Santa Claus,

My name is Emma. I am a girl and I am already 5 years old!! I live in the great city of Boise. Of course, that’s in Idaho, United States, but I’ll bet you knew that!! This year I’ve been so good that I should be the angel on top of the tree!

Santa Claus, some things I might like for Christmas this year are:
- A little dolly;
- Bow and Arrow; and,
- A plastic poison apple.

Santa Claus, I almost forgot to say… I love you Santa!

Love, Emma

		#1, Rudolph Way North Pole, Canada HO HO HO
************@gmail.com Boise, Idaho United States	Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry Christmas Emma!

Thank you for sending me your email all the way from Boise! The Net sure is wonderful, because now I can get emails even when I’m in my sleigh delivering presents Christmas Eve!!

Rudolph put this on personally, just for you Emma! Jumping Jingle Bells, Emma! Are you really and truly 5 years old already?!? I’ll bet you’re really excited about Christmas! Everyone at the North Pole sure is! Are you looking forward to Santa Claus visiting your home? Rudolph said he’s really excited about visiting your home! I also hear you’ve been a REALLY REALLY good girl. (HO!! Ho!! ho!! at least that’s what it says on my list right here at the front of the sleigh!).

Let’s see what you put in your letter for Christmas wishes: 1. a little dolly; 2. bow and arrow and; 3. a plastic poison apple. HO!! Ho!! ho!! Those ARE good presents!! The elves have packed everything they possibly could into the sleigh, but we can never get all the presents in that we would like (after all, there are a lot of good boys and girls around the world) so I hope you won’t be too upset with me if you don’t get everything you want for Christmas.

Well, Santa has a lot more presents to deliver tonight so I better go. Rudolph’s nose is shining especially brightly this year (I think its because the children of the world voted for him to guide the sleigh!). Santa should have the presents delivered in record time this year… which is a REALLY good thing because he still has to wrap his presents for Mrs. Claus!! HO!! Ho!! ho!!

Take care Emma and remember to leave out some of those wonderful treats because Santa Claus is on his way to *your* home tonight!

Merry Christmas To All And To All A Good Night!

Santa Claus

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An Emmaism

Posted by nothingwitty in Uncategorized on December 24, 2008

Last Friday Brian and I were lucky enought to get to pick Emma up together. It was the day Santa comes to her school and Brian walked in to her classroom just as Emma was telling Santa what she wanted. (I missed it, I was writing the tuition check )

Brian got to listen and when I came into the class room he told me she said:

“I really want a bow and arrow. But I won’t shoot anyone. I promise I won’t shoot Mrs. Klaus or any of your elves.”

That’s all she wants.???? Well, since Brian heard this he decided there was NO WAY IN HELL she was NOT getting that bow and arrow. So we have, in our closet, a nerf bow and arrow.

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Goal:

Posted by nothingwitty in Emma, Grace in small things, life is good on December 23, 2008

One of my FAVORITE quotes in all the world is this:

There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle. -Albert Einstein

So this week, I’m going to notice miracles.

We walked out of the house in predawn light, and snow was everywhere. Perfect glittery sparkly snow. And I didn’t see it. All I saw were windows to be scraped and slick roads to be driven on. But Emma did. “Mom! LOOK at the SNOW! IT SPARKLES! I think the fairies were busy last night!”

And the snow? Was beautiful. Honestly I can’t remember a more beautiful morning and I almost missed it. Thank goodness for children.

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Posted by nothingwitty in Uncategorized on December 23, 2008

DUE TO BUDGET CUTS, THIS IS YOUR NEW CUBICLE

EFFECTIVE AUGUST 1, 2008

NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to
your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a
Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially
and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your
money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and
therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need
to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof
of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every
effort should be made to have non-employees attend the
funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where
employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be
scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to
allow you to work through your lunch hour and
subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your
second offense, your picture will be posted on the
company bulletin board under the ‘Chronic Offenders’
category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
sectioned under the company’s mental health policy.

Lunch Break: (Love this one)

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need
to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s
all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here
to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,
all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management Pass this on to all who are employed!

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Grace in Small Things

Posted by nothingwitty in Grace in small things on December 23, 2008

Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
Hot Tea
Brian Driving in the snow
“Only TWO MORE SLEEPS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!”(Because it is very important to grab your mother and hug her and say this first thing in the morning!)
A pink bathrobe “someone” is going to LOVE on Christmas morning (she is always stealing mine)

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Hypothetically speaking

Posted by nothingwitty in Uncategorized on December 22, 2008

Say you had a child. A female child in her VERY early teens. And a boy sent her a picture of his reproductive anatomy. And a gun. The female child deletes these pictures. You find out about it and go to the school guidance counselors who get mad and blame your child for not coming forward with the gun picture and for deleting the pictures.

Now say the boy has done it again. You have the evidence in your hands. You don’t want your young daughter dragged into court. You don’t want her blamed. Yet on your daughter’s phone is a picture of an underage person’s anatomy….

What do you do? And what happens when you do it? What should happen, in regards to the guidance couselors?

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Grace in Small Things

Posted by nothingwitty in Grace in small things on December 22, 2008

Emma is sick, but I can bring her to work with me
We only slid once this morning, just a tiny bit
Brian has Tuesday and Wednesday off, just in case Emma is still sick tomorrow
Almost done Christmas shopping!
Hot coffee with mint creamer.

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Dear Driver of that BMW:

Posted by nothingwitty in Grace in small things on December 22, 2008

Your BMW is at least 15 years old, thus making it not cool anymore. And despite Superior German engineering, there is nothing your car can do to protect you from the solid sheet of ice the roads currently are, so you should probably stop driving like an ass.

Dear mini van with Jesus fish on back:

Jesus will not save you from being stupid. He expects you to use the brain he gave you. Sliding through the intersection because you didn’t slow down soon enough is not smart.

Thanks

Ariel

Grace in small things

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