Nothing Witty

I had always known murder to be a terrible thing, but I didn’t realize how profoundly wrong it is to deprive a fellow human being of life.

Someone I know was murdered in cold blood last night, by a member of their own family. Just like that, Poof! Gone.

I am in shock, not because I knew the person terrible well, or cared terribly much for them, but because I know understand how far from feeling a person must be to commit such an act. Truly inhuman.

And now lives are just torn apart.

And I don’t understand.

I am sure 2011 is going to be great.

I mean, lots of babies due and whatnot, my own included. Hopefully more soon for everyone else.

My sister is 8-ish weeks ahead of me. I am so happy for her. She’s had two miscarriages and been told she’d never carry to term, and here she is, having a boy.

She is SO ODD. She’s very happy about her baby, loves to share bits and pieces about her baby, asks questions about my previous pregnancy experiences…

And for all intents and purposes seems absolutely furious that I am pregnant myself. I would understand if she wasn’t pregnant, she was mad when I told her we were going to start trying, and I understood that.

She told one of my other sisters that she wished she was the only one pregnant right now.  And I don’t understand that. I feel ENRICHED by all of the other women who are pregnant around me. I feel part of a vast sisterhood.  I would not wish any of these new lives gone or not coming for any reason at all. If I was mad at everyone who got pregnant before I did or was pregnant now it would be a very long list and I would feel very lonely. I wish a baby for every woman who so desperately wants one.

I know I’m just a crazy pregnant hormonal woman… But when I saw her on Sunday, she made it perfectly obvious she did NOT want to talk to me. It’s hard to admit that my sister simply does not like me. But the way things have been said it seems like I may not even be invited to the hospital after her baby is born to see him.  And I had originally asked her to help me when I went into labor… I wanted my sisters there. I shouldn’t whine, since 3/4 are willing.

I KNOW this year is going to be better. Saturday night I curled up with Brian and started trying to sleep, and felt a little bubble pop in my lower abdomen. This is how Emma felt, right at first, and the Dr. told me it was my imagination… but it wasn’t, since I felt it again and again and it just got stronger and stronger. So 2011 started out with me feeling this little one move. I can’t be sorry for myself when I think about that.

Last year it was champagne…this year its babyfriendly drinks.

This is how we roll. Well, those of us who are pregnant…

Best text message ever sent—Elena Wrote: Um, Yoshimitsu just pooped out Katelins class ring. How should i wash it?

I have three clients today who are making my life living hell and so should be shot.  I’m just saying.

Here we are, eight weeks into this journey.  Mama is SICK! Not as sick as with your big sister, but sick enough! It makes me wonder if perhaps you are a little boy, since some people say they feel less sick with boys.

I feel great when I’m shoving food into my mouth, and when I’m asleep, and that is about it. I wake up around midnight or one, because I am consumed with a hunger that overwhelms me. I eat, and then I go back to sleep.  You might think all of this eating might make me gain weight, but it isn’t!  I’m puffy, don’t get me wrong, but the same weight as when I started out.

I got to see you last Wednesday, and I can tell you, you are cute! I wasn’t expecting to hear your sweet little heartbeat either, but the ultrasound technician did her magic and there it was, 171 beats per minute. I sat there with tears running down my face and the tech gave me a kleenex. There are 3 boxes in there!

The Dr. says everything looks great, and that my cervix is perfect.  I don’t know what that always cracks me up, but it does. Of all the things to have be perfect.  Why not my teeth? My skin?

Your daddy had his tonsils out on Friday. He is SICK!  And in pain!  I threw up on Friday night a couple of times and my throat was so raw, and then I looked at Dad’s and wow. Am not complaining about that anymore!

Speaking of your daddy, I think you have his roman nose! I mean, I know it’s not very developed or anything at this point, but the little detail I could see made me think: this kid looks like dad!  Of course, we shall see even more in January, at our first anatomy scan, and I am so excited.

Your dad comes up and kisses me a thousand times a day.  He was always loving and affectionate before, but I can say without hesitation that you have brought us even closer together as a family. He always is rubbing my belly, and kissing it, and sometimes I can hardly breathe because both he and Emma are holding me so tightly!

I do not remember being this impatient when I was pregnant with your sister.  Of course, I knew then that being a mom would be the best thing ever, I just had no idea how fantastic it would be! Now I do know how wonderful you will be and I. CANNOT. WAIT.

The funniest craving continues to follow me: I want beer.  No, of course I don’t give into the craving, but you better believe I spend a lot of time smelling it.  It smells so wonderful and cool and refreshing. I don’t even like beer.  I’d damn well better like it after I’m done being pregnant with you, for at least a little bit! Maybe I’ll have your daddy sneak me one into the hospital.  That might be funny. I’m kidding, of course, Mama will be breastfeeding you then.

I don’t have much to say other than I love you, Emma loves you, Daddy loves you, and we are so happy you are joining our family. We will see you in 32 weeks!

Love,

Mama

Would you look at that! Heartbeat at 171, best sound ever:)

In the first grade you learn skills which will aid you should you choose “serial killer” as your career path!

I hate the jinglebell rock. Also. Moving offices sucks. I cannot find the keys to the desk…